Never let the narcissist back into your life. Once they’ve discarded you, shut and lock the door behind them.
The narcissist was only part of your journey to highlight to you parts of yourself that needed healing. They highlighted core beliefs that you have about yourself that need to change – the only useful thing the narcissist did for you. I believe they were put in your life for that specific season.
Due to the narcissists toxic behaviour patterns, they will be planning to come back. Don’t allow them to. As survivors and empaths we can want to give them another chance. We don’t want to be left wondering what could be. All you need to do is look at the past and how they treated you. Would you want more of that? Because, that’s what it will be, only worse.
You Are Not Missing Out On Anything
Don’t worry about having FOMO (fear of missing out). You’re not missing a thing. If anything, they’re the ones with FOMO. They are the ones who didn’t appreciate what they had and now are missing you and your beautiful qualities. Oh well, their loss.
Narcissists do not change their ways. When they do come back, it’s only for a temporary ego boost, and it’s all a sign of disrespect. They want to be able to say to themselves, “See, they still want me.” They will assume you can’t do better than them, or don’t have better options.
The Purpose of The Hoover Is An Ego Boost
If you do let them back in, they with think you’re still asleep to their games and will use you like a revolving door. Once they’re done, back onto the shelf you go. You got off the shelf, either through leaving or being discarded. So refuse to be put back like a used toy. You’re worth so much more.
It’s also important to realise that the narcissist will hoover you just for the ego boost of discarding you again. This is especially true if you discarded them first, or they did reverse discard. As they have such fragile egos, they have to be the one who discarded first (as childish as it seems). That means they will suck you back in, only to spit you back out again. Just another reason to run for your life when they hoover!
If You Have To CoParent
Coparenting can be tricky with a narcissist. However, if they discard you and your children and try to come back, here’s what to do. You become indifferent. Which means you don’t respond emotionally either way to the narcissist. They might try to hoover you through the kids or use the kids to get a response out of you, but try to resist.
You just keep it about the children and nothing else. If they want to make small talk and call you to discuss anything but the kids, calmly reject it. As long as they aren’t getting supply from you (positive or negative) they will eventually give up and move on.
Note: If you think you were discarded, you weren’t. You were set free. Take the time to allow yourself to breathe again, learn about yourself and the lens through which you view your life, and heal. In fact, you can celebrate! They’ve removed themselves, therefore removing a heap of stress from your life (which is a great thing) and making more room for healthy relationships to enter your life. ❤️
P.S – Never Let The Narcissist Back Into Your Life 🙂