The narcissist feels lost after losing you.
The narcissist only feels lost when they’ve lost you IF they come to realisation that you’re aren’t their possession anymore. If they feel like you’re never coming back. It’s a self-absorbed feeling of being lost, rather than one of regret though.
With the majority of people, once the relationship ends, they remain the narcissists possession for quite a while. When I say this, I mean emotionally. They can tell by your behaviours, and the fact that they just discarded you with no closure, that you haven’t quite moved on independently, yet. That’s only human nature though, right? So, in their minds, the door’s still open, because you might still be hoping to hear from them again, even if it’s to explain what happened – which is unlikely, and if they do, it’s usually some sob story.
You weren’t ready
When you break up with the narcissist through them discarding you, it’s premature. You weren’t ready to end things and move on. They dominated the whole relationship from the beginning to how it ended. You get so used to this dynamic that their energy takes over you. You don’t want them to leave, regardless of how unhealthy the bond between you two is.
After all, you may think, “What’s the alternative to breaking up with them? The unknown. You have so many questions about how or if you’ll be able to progress going forwards. Some people can actually have break downs, because they’ve relied so heavily on the narcissist for so many aspects of themselves and their lives. It’s almost as if they aren’t living for themselves anymore. They don’t really know anything else, but that dependency.
Even after months or years, people can find it hard to move on, so subconsciously prefer the toxic relationships out of safety and familiarity.
They weren’t ready
However, once you decide to break free, and the narcissist realises this, that’s when they start having that feeling of loss. They thought they could just “shelve” you, forget you for a while, and get on with their new supply. Little did they expect you to hop off that shelf off your own accord, and prematurely.
Even when you’re not with a narcissist, they still have a sense of control of you because of the discard. Once you let go, they lose control. You see, the discard isn’t real. Narcissists never completely let go of anyone, they just ‘put them away for away for a while, until they’re ready to swing back around. The funny thing is, they expect you to just be there waiting, or drop whoever you might be involved with for them.
Once you go, they’re losing something they weren’t ready to lose. Ideally, they’d like to keep you in their sphere of influence for the next year, 5 years, 10 years, or forever!
Losing you..?
Narcissists love to pretend they don’t need people and they’re hyper-dependent. It’s the opposite actually, they’re the ones who most need people. That’s why they usually target people have stronger dependant traits than themselves, like codependents or people who like to ignore red flags (easier to control).
Narcissists create this optical illusion that they’re doing great and confident without you. They’re only deceiving themselves, because once they feel the shift that there’s a disadvantage towards them, they lose it. I know you when I say, that the narcissist feels lost after losing you, you think no way. The picture that is usually painted of a narcissist being this indestructible force, isn’t true. They’re as fragile as they come.
Once they recognise that you’ve taken control back and cut them off for good, the tables turn.
Now, they are the ones feeling lost. They’re uncertain. They can’t quite register what’s happening. They start gaslighting themselves, pretending that what’s happening isn’t really true. At this point, they can’t fool themselves anymore.
This is usually when you’ll experience the hoover, because the narcissist wants to take back control by bringing you back into the illusion. They are always running from the truth, pretending things that aren’t working in their favour aren’t actually happening.
All they’re doing is digging a bigger hole for themselves. They compound the problem, to the point they don’t know how to work their way out of it. They have burnt bridges with you and know there’s no way back. This sends them into an emotional tail spin.
Their Loss, Your Gain
At this point, they can only hope for a miracle, because they know they can’t fix or undo what they’ve done. They feel lost because, you’ve unsettled their little world by not following the rules. Congrats, you’ve escaped the illusion. You are no longer a part of the shared fantasy, which they are forever stuck in.
This is why it’s so important to never go back to a narcissist, because it’s never about you. It’s about them settling down the inner torment and turmoil they’re experiencing on a daily basis, coupled with losing control over you.
Once you have cut ties, you can ask yourself the question, who’s really the dependant one? I hope you can now see your strength and how they tried to blind you from it, so they could use that lack of awareness against you. The narcissist feels lost after losing you, but the truth is, they always were lost.