I know, you’re reading this title and wondering why being addicted to learning about narcissistic abuse can hinder you. Well, this is quite ironic to write, as my whole site is about narcissistic abuse.. or is it?
I totally get it. Narcissistic abuse messes with your mind so much. When you first get out of it, it’s likely that you didn’t realise what you were experiencing in the first place. It’s only normal to want to try and figure things out, to bring yourself some understanding and closure.
Got A Narcissist Abuse YouTube Playlist?
However, we can get trapped in this seemingly never-ending cycle of needing to know more. Let’s take YouTube for example. There are thousands of channels dedicated to Narcissistic Abuse, narcissists, what they do and why. In fact, I have a YouTube channel much like that, even though I am taking it on a new direction with it. I only recently posted a new video, after being away for months. What I have to share is different from the rest, but my focus isn’t on algorithms, it’s on sharing the truth.
Most of these channels paint the narcissist as a unsurmountable, fearless force that has no feelings, and is almost unbeatable. It paints the survivors as these feable empaths with no backbone (compared to the narcissist) whom the narcissist preys on. It’s not directly implied, but subtly inferred. This couldn’t be further from the truth though, as empaths (whether aware or if or not) have an inner strength like no other.
In my opinion, these channels are popular because they pander to the victim mentality of survivors and the more they watch, the more it hardens that reality. The more they focus on the narcissist what they did, and how to get back at them etc, the more you feel validated. It can become a monster that needs constant feeding, if you’re not careful. I don’t mean to dismiss what every survivor has been through, what I am saying is that constantly watching those videos and reading those articles are not helping you heal, they are hindering your healing.
External Validation Versus Self-Inquiry
Why? Because although you may feel like you are getting validation for your feelings, you’re not getting to the root of the issue to move forward in a positive way. You cannot move forward if you’re constantly placing your focus on the narcissist, their traits and what they did to you. Initially, as I said, it’s understandable. You want answers the narcissist isn’t willing to give you. You have to get to a point where you stop looking outside of yourself (ie the narcissist) and go within.
There is a reason why you experienced narcissistic abuse in the first place. You have to have the courage to put the spotlight on yourself and start figuring out what lessons your life is trying to teach you. It’s usually your consciousness trying to point out to you the areas of your life needing change, in order to take you to next level in your life (a higher consciousness). In order to be the next, better version of yourself, you need to become aware of and overcome whatever issue is being highlighted for you.
It’s Time To Remove The Veil
After narcissistic abuse, it’s like we have this veil on, preventing us from seeing the truth. We try to dodge seeing the truth by distracting ourselves and forever seeking out information about narcissistic abuse. When really, the experience has presented itself as an opportunity to help us grow.
Most often, it’s highlighting subconscious limitations or limiting beliefs in our minds. Like low self-worth, guilt, shame, not feeling like you’re enough. These are the unconscious beliefs we need to focus on in order to heal ourselves.
The lack of awareness of this is what keeps us blinded along our journey of experiencing and recovering from narcissistic abuse and trauma. It keeps us in this loop of constantly looking and seeking for techniques and sources of information that could give us the key to healing. When the key to healing is already within you.
You might be on that same journey right now. That might be why you’re on my site reading this and other posts. It’s the same reason why there’s been this explosion of information on YouTube about narcissists, the traits etc. But there’s always a missing piece in this information and it’s what keeps people going from one video to the next. I know many survivors have a playlist as long as the Great Wall of China about narcissistic abuse. I know I did 😅
But can you now see how this very behaviour keeps you in a cycle of constantly seeking and looking outside of yourself for the answers, validation and maybe even healing?
What’s Beliefs Got To Do With It?
In my most current video, I explained about how I took a break off YouTube as I wanted to take a different direction and not feed into the same narrative as many other narcissistic abuse recovery content creators. I want to help take the veil off survivor’s eyes, as it were, and help them to see the absolute truth: It wasn’t, and is never about the narcissist, what they did and how it made you feel.
Getting validation from outside sources about what they did isn’t going to help you much in the long term. In fact, it will keep you in a loop of constantly seeking that validation, even from other survivors.
The only thing you need to focus on in order to heal are your beliefs. I know, it sounds a bit woo woo, but believe it or not, everything stems from your beliefs. Change your beliefs and you can change the whole trajectory of your life.
Narcissistic abuse did not happen to any of us by mistake. Take a moment to do an assessment of your past. A good place to start would be your childhood and upbringing. When we’re growing up, we depend on our parents for everything. Even our perceptions and beliefs about how things should be. Our environment, among other things can also influence us.
How Our Upbringing Contributes
If a parent tells or shows us something about ourselves, that ends up being the blueprint upon how we see and function in our lives. Much like a house needs a blueprint before it’s built which becomes the foundation of the whole building. Our beliefs become our blueprint for how we build our lives from the ground up. Faulty foundations equals an unstable building. The only way you can change that is to knock down the old building and start over with a new, strong foundation.
If you were told when growing up that you’re good for nothing, or shown by actions that you are unloved. The belief you would form is, “I am unworthy” “I’m useless.” These become limiting beliefs that can unconsciously keep us stuck in life. They cause us to sabotage ourselves given the opportunity.
So What Is This All About?
I truly believe that narcissistic abuse is a form of self-sabotage in order to bring ourselves into a new awareness. We attract a narcissist into our lives based on our beliefs about ourselves. The narcissist is in fact OUR MIRROR. The narcissist is in our lives to mirror back to us our belief system and the beliefs we need to change.
Take a look at a narcissist for a minute – they lack self-love, have no empathy for themselves or others, they have a negative self image and self-concept. They are constantly living with a false self, much like survivors live with false beliefs about themselves.
The narcissist is in our lives to mirror back to us our belief system and the beliefs we need to change.
There isn’t much different from what a narcissist and a survivor of narcissistic abuse believes deep down. They just make different choices as to how they choose to try to process and project those feelings.
I will expand on the subject of beliefs and how to use them to not only heal, but improve your whole life in another post.
I hope this post helps you to come into the awareness of what’s really going on, and choose to take a different direction. Just having the awareness is a major step, everything else will start making sense. I know this may be different than what you’re used to reading, but that’s my goal – not to pander to what’s ‘popular’, but share the truth to help you have long term healing. Most importantly though, for you to have a greater more expanded view of yourself (inner).
Being addicted to learning about narcissistic abuse can hinder you, mainly because it takes the focus off exactly where it should be.. on you and your evolution. I hope this post changes your perception, if only a little. 🙂